Friends less than lovers

Have you ever been in a situation where you know deep down your bones that you like a person?Not the usual crush-type like but the like that you know can turn into love. 

But, the situation and also you two stubborn individuals agreed not to do anything about it, because what’s the point when the situation is just shitty. 

Yes, im in a situation like that. 

And it feels asdfghjkl x10.

I’ve been in a relationship for 8 years and then things went hell and grey and i joined the single club in late 2017. 

Since then, I never dated anyone. 

My walls are high as Mt Apo and as strong as Wonderwoman. 

Okay, I exaggerated a lil bit, the point is, my dating department went closed. 

2018 was the year of moving on and travels. 

I went North and South of Luzon and some part of Visayas. 

And my weekends are filled with beers, friends, movies and what not. 

Most weeknights, I’m on beer too.

I have no room for boys slash men. 

Then there came a point in 2019, that I realized i need to date.

But where? I’m too busy working at my new company.

So I installed this dating app which was recommended by my officemates, few swipe rights and then “matched”. 

Exchange of interests and comments on movies, series, sometimes about life, why are we on that app. 

I set this boundaries and rules that I need to because I built my wall for 2 years, and i wont just give it away. So, No personal details (I learned that from a movie that I cant recall right now) and when its time to meet there will be no hugging/cuddling/spooning. 

Ofcourse I break that rule hahahaha. 

If you know me well, im that type of person, rule breaker. 
Now, my walls are down and i can show him my vulnerable state.

We’ve been talking everyday and everynight and doing all the things a normal lovers do but in our case no L word.

No Love word and No Label. 

In my part what I have in there is unrecognized, no chance to grow. It’s just there wishing to die on it’s own. But sometimes, no matter how you want to control it, it just show. And now hoping it doesn’t grow.

We mutually agreed on keeping it that way and it keeps going on. We are happy to what we have now. 

We are friends, less than lover and just in between. 

But when we look into each other eyes and it locked there for even few seconds, there are words left unspoken.